7 Strategies To Overcome the Fear of Judgment When Starting Something New
- Mindset and Habits, Overcoming Fears
- August 28, 2024
Ever feel paralyzed by the fear of being judged? You’re not alone. We all have that inner voice telling us we’re not good enough or that others are better. This feeling is especially strong when our confidence is low, making it tough to start anything new. But as we gain experience, that fear of judgment fades. Have you ever excelled at something and had someone with much less experience give you unsolicited advice with a know-it-all attitude? It can be irritating—and sometimes laughable. But because you’re confident in your abilities, their judgment doesn’t faze you. So, why does it feel so hard when we’re beginners?
It comes from a combination of our lack of self-confidence and our need for others’ approval.
As humans, we naturally seek approval, but this becomes unhealthy when it’s excessive. Social media doesn’t make it any easier. We often measure worth by followers and likes, which gives others too much power over us. Today, we’re taking that power back! Here are 7 tips to help you overcome the fear of judgment when starting something new:
7 Tips To Overcome the Fear of Judgment
1. Cultivate Kindness: Judge Less, Live More
This may sound counterintuitive—I’m talking about overcoming others’ judgment, yet I’m telling you that you might be judging others too. But the two often go hand in hand.
We tend to project our thoughts and actions onto others, assuming they’ll think or behave like us. Reflect on whether you’re sometimes judgmental and practice being happy for others’ successes and supportive of their efforts. Especially as women, I’ve noticed many of my female friends become bitter toward other women’s successes, whether it’s because they looked better, younger, or fitter. This mindset only slows us down. Wasting time hating on others keeps us from moving forward. Showing kindness is much more beneficial and has a direct impact on our positive mindset and happiness. In fact, a Systemic review and meta-analysis (Curry, et al. 2018) showed that “performing acts of kindness boosts happiness and well-being”.
A friend of mine made it a daily practice to compliment people on the street. We often voice negative thoughts more than positive ones, so this is an excellent way to give and receive positivity while building self-love and kindness toward others. Remember: Kindness is the strongest shield against judgment. People often judge out of their own insecurities, and kindness can disarm that.
2. Realize Judgment Is Mostly Imaginary
This realization was a game-changer for me. People simply don’t have time to worry about anyone but themselves and their close circle. We often give too much power to people who, in reality, don’t care about us at all.
Think about that uncomfortable feeling when you’re walking into a quiet room with everyone seated—it feels like all eyes are on you. Now reverse the scenario: if you were one of the seated people, would you even look up? Probably not—you’re likely focused on your phone, a book, or your own thoughts. That’s how little people care when you’re in the center. Even if you trip and fall, how long will people laugh? A few minutes at most. And in a few hours, they won’t even remember who fell.
Reversing scenarios like this helps you realize that others don’t care nearly as much as we think, which can be liberating.
3. Dissociate Yourself from Criticism
While most judgment exists only in our heads, there are times when we do encounter harsh criticism. The key is to separate yourself from it.
Look at criticism objectively. Instead of letting it damage your confidence, use it as an opportunity to identify areas for improvement. When I first started dancing, I often laughed with others at my own awkward movements. I didn’t take it personally; instead, I saw it as feedback on what needed improvement, which paid off over time. And it’s also a chance to practice not taking ourselves too seriously and have a good time at our expense.
The more you realize that it’s not you being judged, but specific behaviors or actions, the more effective you can be in your learning process.
4. Journal and Reflect on Your Feelings
When you feel judged, take time to reflect on why and how it made you feel. Separate constructive criticism, which helps you grow, from destructive criticism, which only tears you down.
Journaling is a great way to clarify your thoughts and strategies. For example:
“Someone joked that I looked stiff on my surfboard and said I’d never be able to turn and ride a wave. It made me feel ridiculous, like a failure.”
From here, you can break it down:
- Constructive Criticism: You need to change your form.
- Destructive Criticism: You’ll never be able to turn and ride a wave.
Now, set a strategy: Focus on looking up, adjust your hips for better mobility, and work on your form. By focusing on what you can control, you shift from feeling powerless to empowered.
Journaling is beneficial for so many purposes that it deserves many articles of its own. Smiling Mind provides keys to start journaling for mental health and wellbeing.
5. Avoid Comparing Yourself To Others
Easier said than done, right? Especially in an age dominated by social media. Every time we log on, we’re bombarded by others’ successes—whether it’s someone achieving mastery in a new skill seemingly overnight or influencers touting their picture-perfect lives. This constant stream of other people’s highlights can make it feel like we’re falling behind.
But here’s the truth: Everyone has their own unique path. Just because someone seems ahead doesn’t mean they didn’t face challenges or setbacks along the way. They might have started earlier, devoted more time, or found a method that worked specifically for them. And that’s perfectly okay.
What we rarely see are the hours of practice, the failures, and the moments of doubt others experience. Mastery takes time, and the path to success is rarely straightforward. There are no shortcuts—no matter what the internet may lead us to believe. Someone may excel in a month at something you’re struggling with for a year, but that doesn’t mean you’re not progressing at your own pace. It’s important to celebrate small wins, focusing on your own growth rather than measuring yourself against others.
Next time you catch yourself comparing, remember: Your journey is unique. Focus on becoming a better version of yourself, rather than trying to match someone else’s timeline. If you need a reminder, take a break from social media or any other sources that contribute to these feelings. You’ll find more peace when you realize that comparison is the thief of joy.
6. Expose Yourself To Judgment
Practice makes perfect, even when overcoming the fear of judgment. It may sound daunting, but deliberately exposing yourself to situations where you might be judged is a powerful way to desensitize yourself to the discomfort. Think of it like building a muscle—the more you use it, the stronger it gets.
Start small. Push yourself just slightly outside your comfort zone. For example, if you’re nervous about public speaking, begin by speaking in front of a few close friends. Gradually increase the challenge. Over time, your comfort zone will expand, and you’ll feel more at ease even in situations where judgment is inevitable. You’ll also learn that criticism, even when uncomfortable, isn’t something to fear—especially when it comes from others who are simply observing your progress, not defining who you are as a person.
However, it’s crucial to pace yourself. Don’t force yourself into situations that are so uncomfortable that they cause you to shut down or give up entirely. Growth happens gradually, not all at once. Each step outside your comfort zone is a victory, no matter how small. It’s the repeated exposure to new experiences and feedback that builds resilience.
The more you face judgment, the less it will sting, and soon you’ll discover that criticism can be an opportunity for learning, rather than something to be feared. Remember, each judgment faced is a step closer to mastering the art of being unaffected by others’ opinions.
7. Remember That One Day, You Will Be the Expert!
Think about the areas of life where you already excel—whether it’s in your career, a hobby, or a personal skill. At one point, you were a beginner there too, likely facing the same insecurities and fears of judgment you are now.
Over time, through practice and perseverance, you became an expert. You gained confidence, and that fear of judgment faded into the background. It’s easy to forget that the expert you are now was once a novice, but this is proof that you’ve done it before—and you can do it again.
The beauty of this process is that, as you gain experience, you begin to trust yourself more. The fears that seem so large today will one day feel trivial. The opinions of others will no longer weigh you down because you’ll know your worth and your abilities. Keep pushing forward, knowing that the discomfort you feel now is temporary. Every expert, no matter how accomplished, was once in your shoes.
One day, others will look up to you as the expert—and you’ll be the one offering wisdom and encouragement to beginners facing the same fears. Trust that you’re on your way there, step by step. The first step is always the hardest, so I compiled 10 tips to take the first step in starting anything new.
By putting these tips into practice consistently, you’ll feel empowered to try new things, improving faster by embracing constructive criticism while leaving the destructive behind. Don’t let fear hold you back—embrace the challenge!
What strategies have you used to overcome the fear of judgment? Share your stories in the comments below!
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